Friday, December 2, 2011

a message to our son

I don't know about you, but when I get a call with positive comments about one of my kids, I puff up with pride.

Our son is in a residential facility in the city near where we live.  He has been there for almost 6 moths.  Today, I got a call that was nothing but positive about him.  I am so impressed with his change, and while I realize that there will be times when he reverts to his old behaviors, I am very proud of the person he is becoming. 

Too often as parents we let the past remind us of how a child is.  We realize that we need to let go of hurtful feelings and give the child a chance to start anew.  Never forgetting of course the history.  If we don't look at and remember the history, we are doomed to repeat it.  He has come such a long way since the wild and uncontrolled force that he was 7 months ago. 

I am incredibly proud of you son, and can't wait for you to return home permanently.  See you soon buddy! Know that not a day goes by when we don't miss you.

Friday, November 11, 2011

A fantastic day

our son has been home for a home visit for 24 hours now.  It has been great having him here.  No outbursts, he is playing nicely with others, and we are overjoyed with having all of our children under the same roof. 

As it stands right now, he will be discharged from the residential facility on the 13th of January.  Steps are being taken by us and the staff of the agency that runs the facility to transition him into the public school and our home.  We are working on lining up respite care, and after care.

His psychiatrist is going to treat him again.

Through the Christmas break, he will be home periodically, he can't be home for the whole two weeks because of insurance issues.  So we can have him for a couple three days at a time.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

a staff meeting for our son

had a meeting about our youngest child's return to public school.  As soon as we started talking about it, the principal piped up and said "public school may not be the best place for him".  the principal was pissed off that my wife and I refused to let a consultant for the school district sit in on the conference call. 

Plus, we asked for the special education teacher that our son will be working with to be a participant in the next meeting.  We were told that the principal couldn't guarantee that.  The principal said that she would see.  We set up our meetings a month in advance, how hard would it be to schedule a conference call for a specific teacher?  Turns out that the principal might not be able to make that meeting because she has been elected the President of the Chamber of Commerce in our town and has another obligation.

Then the principal complained because the teacher at the residential facility has given reports that were read by another individual, because she had to be absent for medical reasons during the last meeting.  So we set up a time for a conference call with the teacher from the facility and the school.    Oh, and the special education teacher might not be able to participate in that meeting either.

Our son has the following diagnosis:  Severe ADHD, facets of Autism, facets of fetal alcohol Syndrome, Reactive attachment disorder, oppositional defiant, obsessive compulsive and pediatric bipolar.

It seems to my wife and I that they want to set him up for failure.

Monday, November 7, 2011

an incident in school.


my 12 year old, who has high functioning Autism, was provoked with pinching and name calling on Friday to a point where he struck another student. the other student was his best friend. They have an on and off relationship. my son knows it isn't right for people to fight like that. He also knows that name calling isn't right. our school has a new principal, so I am hoping to make sure that he understands that while my son deserves a punishment, they need to take somethings into consideration. People with Autism don't have the best social skills. wish me luck. My son rarely hits anyone. he would have to be seriously pissed off before that would happen.

Friday, November 4, 2011

1 year --- a look back

It has been a year since I started this blog and its corresponding facebook group. So much has happened.

Little did I know that M's initial attack on his teacher would develop into 2 further attacks, 3 hospitalizations, probation, and a placement in a residential facility.  As a result we are exploring our legal options against the school district.  We are still holding M accountable for his actions, but feel that the school district should be held accountable for theirs as well.

The past year has seen major health challenges for me, as well as a redefinition of what it is to be a man, at least for me.  I am still struggling to come to terms with the things I have lost, and am learning to further embrace the things I hold dear to my heart.

Friends close to our hearts have been uprooted due to flooding in their communities, and we thank our blessings that we are not affected in the same manner.

As I close this, I find myself excited about the challenges that lay ahead and reminiscent of the past.  I thank the people in the facebook group for their support of both me and each other. I find it amazing that we can bring together people of diverse backgrounds to discuss a common issue.  I have heard from people across the United States about the impact of my blog, and even from someone in Singapore.

Thank you friends.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

A Home Visit

M is coming home for a four day visit next week.  We are so excited.  We will have staffing at the residential facility where he lives, and then participate in family therapy.  After that, we will be bringing him home with us.  Then Sunday, we have to take him back.  We will be planning to bring him home for Thanksgiving weekend.

On Tuesday next week, I will be meeting with my cardiologist.  Not sure what to expect there. Would be nice to know what is causing these heart events.  Maybe he will be able to shed some light on it for me.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The joys of....

Got to see our son yesterday for a bit.  For those of you that don't know, he is in a residential facility in the city about an hour and a half from our home.  We played Pictionary using random words that we drew out of a bag.  It was so much fun.

I had to explain to him why I was using a walker instead of my canes.  He was concerned about me.  When it came time for us to leave, he held my walker steady so it wouldn't move and tried to help me get up out of the couch.  I have bad knees, so this is a challenge.

I do so hope that he can come home with the level of success that he has attained in there.  He will hopefully be home by Christmas.  We have two home visits on the radar between now and then so we will see.  I am a realist, I know that he can't be perfect, and quite frankly I don't expect that.  If he could be even half as good as he is now, that would be a huge improvement over last school year.

I asked him if he was willing to try going back to school in our home town, where we had so many issues with the school, and he said yes.  I promise that I won't let them mess him up like they did last year. He doesn't deserve that.